Backseat Cook

Ten years of your drooling at Darina's results,
printing instructions for future consults.
And yet, what you ate before you met me,
was pies en Bentos and Findus Pancakes á la crispy.
And yet you're an expect, a connoisseur true
as long as you're not the one making the food.
Why don't you cook your dream dinner spreads
instead of hoarding those recipes up on that shelf?
I can't fully gauge what gets me more enraged;
the elastic bands, the dust, or the yellowing pages,
but, I can tell you, truly, the worst of this scene
is how you make speeches about this cuisine;
your plans for fine dining are beyond compare,
you're always refining your ideal menu's fair.
And, oh, how you verbalise, oh, the wild zeal,
when you've set your sights on the day's perfect meal.

I've something to say, the joke's wearing thinner,
I've put in a decade and you've never made dinner.
You've eaten every repast that I've made,
but not one day has passed when you haven't raised
one of your sheets stored up on that shelf
and proceeded to lecture us all how to chef.

(This is about my husband, and it's all true. I absolutely hate hate hate cooking so I'd be happy for my husband to put his money where his mouth (and recipe collection) is, so, don't let me get in your way, Martin!!!)

Nicola's Children

Then all the women felt like skittles;
lined up in rows.
And though they were strong it wasn't long
before the bowlers bowled.
As hard as it was to believe
it was worse to have been deceived
by a First World, modern state.
And bad as that was
it was worse to have gone
without knowing you could have been saved.

All of the Nicolas, denied proper care,
will never bend their heads again
for a child to pull back their hair,
to share a secret only meant for them.

(In relation to this article, on 2nd May 2018, I heard a man called David speak on Liveline, Joe Duffy's RTÉ radio1 show, about the death of his wife, Nicola, in relation to the Cervical Check scandal in Ireland. It was heartbreaking to listen to David, but he spoke very well and gave the timeline and details of his late wife's suffering. His children have a great father, but it is tragic that they are, needlessly, without their mother.

Update on 14/11/2022: RIP Vicky Phelan)