My New Year's resolution comes far too late, I know.
It would have been solution to my current biggest woe.
The problem is, of this I'm sure, there's only one contention:
there is no existing cure besides what was prevention.
I had rechargeable batteries so the cameras plan came good,
my husband was held captive 'til the Lego lighthouses stood,
the painting and the baking of the ceramic stuff got done,
even all the Play Doh making verged on clean and harmless fun.
But, believe me, there is no escape from the ever-present threat
of the child who's fascinated by her brand new magic set.
I suffer from repeated terrors, they haunt my every night.
But, in the past they were, at least, not allied to real-life.
The horror of being a contestant in Ireland's Fittest Family
has been replaced by the steady torment of a box of alchemy:
The Genie In The Bottle is impossible to learn
and makes me want to throttle the little demon in the urn,
the Magic Money Printer, as well you might suppose,
disappoints our young magician when not loaded up with notes.
The instruction booklet, on one point, is very, very clear:
There is no magic trick to make the whole thing disappear.
When the Christmas lists are underway, let there be no illusions,
there'll be zero tolerance of things that render one inhuman.
I resolve for this year's gifts to be safe for adults to be near
or Santa'll get a magic set and not a mince pie and a beer.
