Oh Duchess, I am on your side:
The press have been plain rude.
You shouldn't hit the headlines
for sunning your own boobs.
But think a while, peruse this,
it could have been worse by a lot:
I could have been the nudist
that the paparazzo shot.
The poor readers, just imagine,
if I was the chosen one:
Lumps, bumps, scars, stretched-out skin
and no hair removal done.
The photographer would lose his wits
and be traumatised I guess
on seeing that my hanging tits
are nowhere near my chest.
He'd certainly recoil and yelp
and smash his camera gear
and possibly seek special help
to wipe his memory clear.
It really could be worse, Kate,
take heart, just sue those pests.
There'd be no-one buying papers
for photos of my breasts.
(Explanation: A French magazine published photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless. Let's all be grateful that it wasn't photos of me splashed across their pages.)
