Three boys playing
Central Bank
like donkeys braying
they plan their prank.
No fear of laws
or regulation
Full of thoughts
above their stations
Three men diving
off the pier.
Shouts of strife
reach their ears.
Prompt reactions
save a life,
Selfless actions
win hero rights.
Three boys hiding under hoods.
Three men acting as men should.
Three boys putting their own cause first.
Three men are masters of the universe.
(Explanation: In Ireland we have had the displeasure of being regaled by the disgusting conversations of and about John Bowe, Peter Fitzgerald & David Drumm which have showed the Irish people the true disdain for the average citizen felt by those who caused the Irish economy to collapse.
At the same time as these recordings were leaked a story about how three 14-year-old boys, David Grant, Alex May & Ben Graham saved 13-year-old Shelomith Freeman's life made the news.
I heard someone on the radio talking about how the people (I use the term loosely) in the leaked tapes seemed to believe they were masters of the universe and really it seems to me that those who saved another's life are the ones who deserve such a title.
Inspired by: http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/teenagers-hailed-as-heroes-after-saving-drowning-girls-life-29366893.html,
'Inspired' is an unfortunate word to have to use for these:
http://www.independent.ie/business/irish/tapes-that-reveal-what-really-led-to-national-collapse-29366839.html
http://www.independent.ie/opinion/analysis/tapes-make-overwhelming-case-for-full-inquiry-into-banks-29366987.html
http://www.independent.ie/business/irish/inside-anglo-the-secret-recordings-29366837.html)
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
An Ice Pack On The Knocker
There’s a lady up in Dublin with a pain in her left tit:
She was attacked during her slumber and got slain by a stray bit
of tree that made its mission to cut and stab and lance
then concealed itself from vision and waited for its chance.
Its victim didn’t know her top held a covert ninja;
a stowaway, a sniper, a twig with plans to injure.
She’d often left a vehicle (this next occurrence was not rare)
then realised too late that half her rack was still in there.
She woke in pain, in agony, her left kahuna throbbed
and that was not the worst of it, the next bit made her sob:
Her mother-in-law would love this as she had always claimed
that ironing is essential if you don’t want to be maimed.
Distraught the lady went and shared her sorry lot:
An "ice pack on the knocker" was all the sympathy she got.
(Explanation: Deborah at At The Clothesline published The Problem With Big Boobs today. It was followed by a lively discussion about @TheClotheslines's post on Twitter which included @nurserydublin, @awfullychipper and the advice of @wholesomeIE which was "Ice pack on the knocker."
Inspired by: http://theclotheslineie.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/the-problem-with-big-boobs/)
She was attacked during her slumber and got slain by a stray bit
of tree that made its mission to cut and stab and lance
then concealed itself from vision and waited for its chance.
Its victim didn’t know her top held a covert ninja;
a stowaway, a sniper, a twig with plans to injure.
This lady had a pair of the most enormous breasts;
She couldn’t shop in Penney’s for clothing for her chest.She’d often left a vehicle (this next occurrence was not rare)
then realised too late that half her rack was still in there.
Off to sleep the lady went with the hidden felon
ready to inflict its worst on either massive melon.She woke in pain, in agony, her left kahuna throbbed
and that was not the worst of it, the next bit made her sob:
Her mother-in-law would love this as she had always claimed
that ironing is essential if you don’t want to be maimed.
Distraught the lady went and shared her sorry lot:
An "ice pack on the knocker" was all the sympathy she got.
(Explanation: Deborah at At The Clothesline published The Problem With Big Boobs today. It was followed by a lively discussion about @TheClotheslines's post on Twitter which included @nurserydublin, @awfullychipper and the advice of @wholesomeIE which was "Ice pack on the knocker."
Inspired by: http://theclotheslineie.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/the-problem-with-big-boobs/)
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Powers Near Unlimited
Come one, come all and get in
to my new religious group.
We only want the women,
but we’ll keep men in the loop.
We only want the women,
but we’ll keep men in the loop.
The men can join but must commit
to doing menial motions,
and also must accept the bit
that there are no promotions.
The women, though, will live so well
and will think they have such rights
as to imagine they can pick and tell
who might live or die.
Powers near unlimited (and here you’ll drop your jaw),
of expecting consultation
in all parts of civil law.
in all parts of civil law.
Our group of girls will toe the line,
and dedicate our names
to making sure and certain
that our ships all sail the same.
We’ll decide to be dead set against
the granting of such rights
as medical help and treatment
for men about to die.
Sure what will we care in our gang?
So long as we’re OK.
We could claim a higher power rang
and told us what to say.
We could decree, wait ‘til you hear!
That we won’t have children too,
but make sure that we interfere
when other people
do.
It’ll be some craic, all fun and games,
ladies, are you in?
Don’t worry, there’s no shame
when it’s in the name of a religion.
(Explanation: This links up to a letter I wrote to Enda Kenny : http://musingsofahostagemother.blogspot.ie/2012/12/i-am-worried-for-future.html )
(Explanation: This links up to a letter I wrote to Enda Kenny : http://musingsofahostagemother.blogspot.ie/2012/12/i-am-worried-for-future.html )
Monday, 3 December 2012
A Roll By Any Other Name
When the Vikings came and gave Waterford its name
they considered their description carefully.
Where did this talent stray, it’s not in Waterford today:
Why do they curse that yummy recipe?
The Vikings would have known that when you market tasty
dough
you should choose your words to whet the appetite.
The name that they’d put on it wouldn’t make you want to
vomit
and might even tempt you to a little bite.
Rebrand, relaunch, rename, RENAME. There’s so much
waiting to be gained,
you own the patent, sell your lunch, you can beat the
credit crunch!
Oh Vadrefjord, why can’t you see? Use those brains in
WIT...
Munster, nationwide then global...But while it’s a blaa
it’ll only be local!
(Explanation: Waterford is home to the famous blaa.)
(Explanation: Waterford is home to the famous blaa.)
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
John O'Keeffe: The Hornpipe
Did you ever watch the news
and wonder what you're missing,
what the real story is behind it all?
Well sit down in your pews
and prepare for hours of listening
to the sermon from book one of Berlin's famous wall.
No matter what the topic
of the night's discussion:
Poverty in Africa or the curlew's mating call:
John O'Keeffe won't mock it,
but he'll mention its relation
to his part in the bringing down of the Berlin wall.
He undercover ran with a mob of plenty
through the streets of Berlin West,
commis one and all.
Years before his time (was he even twenty?)
I'm sure you've nearly guessed -
he brought down the Berlin wall.
Forgotten by historians,
and by most of his relations,
he relies on storytelling for his glory to recall.
Unlucky for our hero the only public recitations
are given by himself,
so we will know about it all.
(Explanation: My uncle, John O'Keeffe, has told us the story of his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall a million times. For all of our mocking it is a great story and he is great at telling it. I wrote this in December 2005. It is written in hornpipe time.
Inspired by: My uncle, John O'Keeffe)
and wonder what you're missing,
what the real story is behind it all?
Well sit down in your pews
and prepare for hours of listening
to the sermon from book one of Berlin's famous wall.
No matter what the topic
of the night's discussion:
Poverty in Africa or the curlew's mating call:
John O'Keeffe won't mock it,
but he'll mention its relation
to his part in the bringing down of the Berlin wall.
He undercover ran with a mob of plenty
through the streets of Berlin West,
commis one and all.
Years before his time (was he even twenty?)
I'm sure you've nearly guessed -
he brought down the Berlin wall.
Forgotten by historians,
and by most of his relations,
he relies on storytelling for his glory to recall.
Unlucky for our hero the only public recitations
are given by himself,
so we will know about it all.
(Explanation: My uncle, John O'Keeffe, has told us the story of his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall a million times. For all of our mocking it is a great story and he is great at telling it. I wrote this in December 2005. It is written in hornpipe time.
Inspired by: My uncle, John O'Keeffe)
Monday, 5 November 2012
Home Help Yourself
Well of course the majority of clients claimed the
service is great, they’re well fed...
Of course they did, why wouldn’t they? They’re not the
ones who are dead.
They’re not the ones who can’t complain, they’re not the
ones who can’t eat.
And what of the ones who waited in vain for their two
veg. and their meat?
Why didn’t the home help come with a meal prepared and
cooked?
Maybe the agency thought that these ones were the dead on
their books.
I work for free in my home, 24 hours a day. I have to
balance the tiniest budget without any breaks or sick-pay.
Private sector employees who struggle for minimum wage in
their pocket
don’t get to lie, scheme or juggle and then claim they’re
a not-for-profit.
A confidential investigation? Why not just call the
guards?
Why send a nurse on this mission, shouldn’t she be
working the wards?
Yet more of the same from this Irish isle: Save the
banks, save all of the crooks,
save these grave-robbers and all of their kind while we
pay to examine their books.
It makes me wonder, meals for the dead.
HSE blunders, their claims of no beds.
Could it simply be that they don’t know the amount
because the investigating nurse is the one who can count?
(Explanation: The HSE has carried out two confidential investigations into not-for-profit organisations. This particular case involved a home help agency that received €1.7m from the HSE to match the amount of people it claimed to be serving, including the dead ones.
(Explanation: The HSE has carried out two confidential investigations into not-for-profit organisations. This particular case involved a home help agency that received €1.7m from the HSE to match the amount of people it claimed to be serving, including the dead ones.
Monday, 22 October 2012
I Wish I Was A Ferret
I wish I was a ferret but not just any one,
I’d like to be from Spain and then from Castellón.
I’d like to have a contract for my ideal work
and I’d like to get my meals there as a little perk.
Did you know that they’re crepuscular? Ferrets are like owls
but they can use their anal gland if it gets too loud.
So much fun to be a ferret with the job security
working in Valencia for the air authority,
sleeping 18 hours and
working with a smile
in the shadow of a gobshite standing tens of metres high.
Sorry, Carlos Fabra, if this seems like an indictment:
Ferrets do the weasel war dance when there is excitement.
And, finally, one more before asking for forgiveness:
The collective noun for ferrets is indeed a business.
(Explanation: Local Castellón Populist Party politician, Carlos Fabra, spent years and a fortune building his personal project, an airport in the Valencia region of Spain. In 2011 it was ready for action. To date, it has had zero action except for that of the ferret crew whose €600,000 contract began before the airport was due to open in order to have pests like rabbits and pigeons under control before landings and takeoffs would commence.
Inspired by:http://www.psmag.com/business-economics/airport-to-nowhere-spains-costly-no-fly-zone-39797/ )
And, finally, one more before asking for forgiveness:
The collective noun for ferrets is indeed a business.
(Explanation: Local Castellón Populist Party politician, Carlos Fabra, spent years and a fortune building his personal project, an airport in the Valencia region of Spain. In 2011 it was ready for action. To date, it has had zero action except for that of the ferret crew whose €600,000 contract began before the airport was due to open in order to have pests like rabbits and pigeons under control before landings and takeoffs would commence.
Inspired by:http://www.psmag.com/business-economics/airport-to-nowhere-spains-costly-no-fly-zone-39797/ )
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Child Benefit Stole My Child’s Allowance
Child Benefit?
Benefit?
Are my children on the dole?
Re-introduce it
then reduce it
while you share the pot of gold
to cover all the asses
of financial institutions
so the bankers can keep banking
on your generous contributions.
Michael Noonan, did you know
that you were once a child?
Someone had to care for you
......once upon a time.
Were you loved and helped and taught and hugged,
fed well and regularly?
Would you have had your primary carer treated
the way you’re treating me?
In came the doctor,
in came the nurse,
The BlogMarch continues tomorrow at At The Clothesline
with a personal and detailed account of how a cut in Child Benefit
would affect this family:
Stuck In The Middle- No To Child Benefit Cuts
10 posts over 10 days from 10 members of The Irish Parenting Bloggers.
And on we march:
Benefit?
Are my children on the dole?
Re-introduce it
then reduce it
while you share the pot of gold
to cover all the asses
of financial institutions
so the bankers can keep banking
on your generous contributions.
Michael Noonan, did you know
that you were once a child?
Someone had to care for you
......once upon a time.
Were you loved and helped and taught and hugged,
fed well and regularly?
Would you have had your primary carer treated
the way you’re treating me?
In came the doctor,
in came the nurse,
out came the baby to no money in the purse.
The BlogMarch continues tomorrow at At The Clothesline
with a personal and detailed account of how a cut in Child Benefit
would affect this family:
Stuck In The Middle- No To Child Benefit Cuts
10 posts over 10 days from 10 members of The Irish Parenting Bloggers.
And on we march:
Day 3 (Wednesday 10th): Mind The Baby
Leave child benefit alone. Tax maternity benefit instead.
Day 4 (Thursday 11th): Dreaming Aloud
Down to the Bare Bones' - Cutting (the fat of) Child Benefit
Day 5 (Friday 12th): Mama Dynamite
HANDS OFF MY CHILDREN'S ALLOWANCE
Day 6 (Saturday 13th): Kate Takes 5
Won't get fooled again
Day 7 (Sunday 14th): Wholesome Ireland
Let Them Eat Cake
Day 8 (Monday 15th): Meetmums
March Against Cuts to Child Benefit
Day 9 (Tuesday 16th): The Serious Wagon
That's Fighting Talk
Leave child benefit alone. Tax maternity benefit instead.
Day 4 (Thursday 11th): Dreaming Aloud
Down to the Bare Bones' - Cutting (the fat of) Child Benefit
Day 5 (Friday 12th): Mama Dynamite
HANDS OFF MY CHILDREN'S ALLOWANCE
Day 6 (Saturday 13th): Kate Takes 5
Won't get fooled again
Day 7 (Sunday 14th): Wholesome Ireland
Let Them Eat Cake
Day 8 (Monday 15th): Meetmums
March Against Cuts to Child Benefit
Day 9 (Tuesday 16th): The Serious Wagon
That's Fighting Talk
Day 10 (Wednesday 17th): Mama.ie
You do the maths!
And a blog of support from abroad from Awfully Chipper
Blog Marching
You can sign the online petition here.
You can use hashtag #BlogMarch.
You can read, think, discuss anywhere.
The Irish Parenting Bloggers are great writers and each post on the BlogMarch is the blogger's own view. Enjoy!
You do the maths!
And a blog of support from abroad from Awfully Chipper
Blog Marching
You can sign the online petition here.
You can use hashtag #BlogMarch.
You can read, think, discuss anywhere.
The Irish Parenting Bloggers are great writers and each post on the BlogMarch is the blogger's own view. Enjoy!
Friday, 21 September 2012
It Really Could Be Worse, Kate
Oh Duchess, I am on your side:
The press have been plain rude.
You shouldn't hit the headlines
for sunning your own boobs.
But think a while, peruse this,
it could have been worse by a lot:
I could have been the nudist
that the paparazzo shot.
The poor readers, just imagine,
if I was the chosen one:
Lumps, bumps, scars, stretched-out skin
and no hair removal done.
The photographer would lose his wits
and be traumatised I guess
on seeing that my hanging tits
are nowhere near my chest.
He'd certainly recoil and yelp
and smash his camera gear
and possibly seek special help
to wipe his memory clear.
It really could be worse, Kate,
take heart, just sue those pests.
There'd be no-one buying papers
for photos of my breasts.
(Explanation: A French magazine published photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless. Let's all be grateful that it wasn't photos of me splashed across their pages.)
The press have been plain rude.
You shouldn't hit the headlines
for sunning your own boobs.
But think a while, peruse this,
it could have been worse by a lot:
I could have been the nudist
that the paparazzo shot.
The poor readers, just imagine,
if I was the chosen one:
Lumps, bumps, scars, stretched-out skin
and no hair removal done.
The photographer would lose his wits
and be traumatised I guess
on seeing that my hanging tits
are nowhere near my chest.
He'd certainly recoil and yelp
and smash his camera gear
and possibly seek special help
to wipe his memory clear.
It really could be worse, Kate,
take heart, just sue those pests.
There'd be no-one buying papers
for photos of my breasts.
(Explanation: A French magazine published photos of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless. Let's all be grateful that it wasn't photos of me splashed across their pages.)
Thursday, 20 September 2012
The Artful Dodger
I’m just your average Joe and I’m not without my woes,
my family was all I cared about.
I worked to have enough to buy them food and clothes and
stuff.
Not much, but they never went without.
Though I toiled and strained, I had no cause to complain
For I had a friend in dear old Lady Luck.
Her support and comfort came in the form of horses’ names
and the numbers for the weekend Lotto Plus.
Oh Mahon, can’t you see that they all ganged up on me?
I never took a penny, I’m a saint.
I had a lot of friends and they used me to their ends
and now I find I can’t recall their names.
Sure why wouldn’t they all clammer to hear my speeches
and my stammer?
To listen to an eminent cute hoor?
With my Harp-belly displayed over my pants beneath the
weight,
I cut a dashing figure, that’s for sure.
How I miss the days of old, money bags and envelopes,
playing Fagin to my gang of boys so true.
They understood my needs and signed-up to my creed:
You’ve got to pick a p-pocket or two.
Micheál, it’s with revulsion that I hear of the
expulsion,
you’re only where you are because of me.
Our make-up costs the same and you’re not exempt from
blame.
Sure weren’t we all together at the party?
(Explanation: No, there just is no logical explanation for Bertie Ahern!)
(Explanation: No, there just is no logical explanation for Bertie Ahern!)
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